Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
