What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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