No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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