if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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