sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
