hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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