As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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