Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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