my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
