It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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