I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
