All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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