he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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