Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
