:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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