Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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