A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's shark week go big or go home
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
