I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
