she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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