At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
