2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
BRING THE BAGELS
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
