I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
