I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
