i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
