If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
