You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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