I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This baby is an asshole
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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