Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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