i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
