Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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