I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
