My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
