What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
this is an emotional support booty call
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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