well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Everything about him screamed your future.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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