Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
