Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
