Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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