I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize