I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
