Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
dude. I can hear the air.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
