Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
