she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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