Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
