Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Randomize
