I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
