escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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