I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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