so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
