everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
