Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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