I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
