I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
