You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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