You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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