I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
