I'm going to jail i love you
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
