My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I know her cup size but not her name....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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