What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
