Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
