Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
