Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
