No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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