First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
