margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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